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**alarm rings, charts vertical, brain horizontal, bitcoin moons, then nooks, mid-bite of a stale cereal, my phone screams, my heart leverage longs, my hopes get liquidated.**
I check my wallet, empty, seed phrase vanished. I stare at the void like it’s a red candle, no keys, no cheese, I dive into the casino blockchain, neon blocks snapping into place like slot reels.
The mempool is a bouncer asking for fees. I chase a stray word of my seed. It sprints across a crab’s table, labeled difficulty adjustment. I sprint after it in socks and denial.
Spam bots swarm me, claim prize, free airdrop, click here, connect wallet, trust us. I sidestep the pop-ups like it’s bullet hell with receipts. I swat them with a hardware wallet on a lanyard. They respawn with fresher fonts, diamond hands, paper mines, my token, don’t miss.
I mute notifications like I’m shushing a stadium. A smug banker blocks the aisle. Suit so crisp, it’s basically punitive damages. He sips a tiny espresso, says fundamentals, says intrinsic value, says I should open an account with real yield and boring. I grin with cracked retail energy. I tell him my bank is a 12-word poem. He says poetry doesn’t clear settlements. I say your hours don’t clear weekends.
Guards made of compliance paperwork rise from the carpet. Terms and conditions sprout legs. I dodge APRs like dodgeball. I whisper proof of work as a curse and slide under a velvet rope. The banker rolls his eye so hard his monocle goes proof of stake.
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